Here are my answers to those questions I posted in the last entry. Hopefully, this will help if you consider answering. My friend would truly appreciate it.
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1. This isn’t really a question, but tell me a little bit about yourself.
I’m in my late twenties, married with one child. I run a personal blog called A True Unfolding, where I document events that happen to me, especially the sexy ones.
2. If you had to rate your self-esteem level from a 1 to a 10, what would it be and why?
I would rate my self-esteem a 7 out of 10. I’ve come far, but I still have a lot of work to do with myself.
3. Have you ever faced any trauma due to sexual activity?
I was molested when I was a child, and for a time I thought it didn’t affect me. But as I became more sexually aware of myself and the things that turned me on, I would feel wrong or dirty. I felt ashamed. It was a short lived moment of trauma, but I’m glad to have overcome it.
4. Would you consider yourself to be sexually adventurous?
Yes, I would say so. Engaging in a BDSM scene had once been a thing of my fantasies, and now I get to experience it firsthand.
5. Tell me about the BDSM lifestyle and how you got into becoming a Dom/Domme/slave/sub.
There is too much to the lifestyle for it to be broadly explained. What I can say is that every relationship in the lifestyle differs depending on what the people involved in that dynamic are looking for. In my case, I was looking for a good lover who wouldn’t interfere in my marriage. Getting involved in a Dominant/submissive relationship wasn’t on my agenda, but so far it has fit my requirements without consequences.
6. How has your marriage/relationship and/or sex life been affected overall after your most recent encounters?
It made my marriage stronger. I think I needed to get some things out of my system, and I’m glad to have a spouse who was kind enough to give me that space, especially since he most definitely did not have to. But we have come to terms with it, respect it and so far it works for us.
7. Did you ever feel like you would be judged for being married with a child and having two or more sex partners?
Definitely. Living that kind of lifestyle, while it has its person benefits, is still very taboo, especially when there is a child involved. We have rules that we follow to shield my son and other family from anything we do outside the home.
8. Does sex make you feel wanted, beautiful and/or sexy?
Sometimes it helps, but it’s not a defining factor. I’ve learned that sexy is a state of mind no matter what the body looks like.
9. What worries you the most when it comes to intimacy? This could be now or in the past.
I used to worry about how I looked when having sex. I had this porn image in my mind of me with windblown hair and full make up, looking gorgeous. The reality is a sweaty, teary-eyed, tangled mess. So now I just focus on enjoying myself (a blindfold helps).
10. How has your sexual experiences helped you become expressive?
It has helped me become more aware about the beauty within myself and that no amount of sex or partners will give me the ultimate satisfaction I need to be comfortable with myself.
11. Do you see this current sexual lifestyle you’re in being a permanent one?
It’s too early to tell honestly; I’m just enjoying it for what it is now.
12. What turns you on the most? (in a person or yourself)
I am turned on by a person who makes me feel comfortable to be around them. Chemistry is everything, and confidence is a must.
13. Why do you think society objectifies women so much, yet expects them to play the innocent, untouched role? Do you feel it causes women to retract sexually?
I think that for a long time that’s all people knew. People will progress only what they are taught unless they choose to think differently. I think it also comes down to nature; we are the ones who reproduce, who bring forth into the world new human beings. The responsibility to make sure they grow up into well rounded adults is a heavy load to carry, and we are scrutinized heavily for it.
14. What advice would you give a woman struggling in the sex department due to the lack of self-confidence?
Take time to get to know yourself in every aspect sexually–likes, dislikes, turns-ons, and priorities—before you decide to explore. If you’re not good with yourself, you are susceptible to believe anything. Be careful of others who might want to take advantage of this. And lastly, we are an ever growing specimen; things take their time and you should let them. Rushing into something new and unknown may lead to an undesirable outcome.
15. If there is anything you would change about yourself and sex life? What would it be and why?
Actually, I’m quite pleased with myself and my sex life at the moment.
16. How do you feel about masturbation and pornography?
I’m all for it. Masturbation helps you learn about what you’re body responds to, and pornography is a decent learning tool, but makes a better outlet for the imagination.
17. How has your blog helped you overall?
It has shown me that I am not alone in my feelings of self-appreciation and sexual desires. I’ve learned how to reach out for help from others despite my pride, and it has done wonders for my marital sex life, along with my personal sex life outside my marriage.
18. Is there anything you’d like to add before closing up? It could be about sex, expression, beauty, protection, women, or just a general message to the women of the world.
Life is too short to worry about what other people think of you. Finding the love within yourself could be the hardest thing you have to do in your life if you let it be. The easiest way to fix that is to love who you are and accept it, and realize when you have to make necessary changes for the better of yourself.