“Untitled” is kind of how I feel at the moment. I don’t have a word or a line to express what is going on in my life and in my head right now. I had someone tell me I should just write, and of all the people I know the encouragement came from a person I thought I left behind in my past and in a heap of disheveled sheets; Alejandro. We haven’t had sex in almost three years, but we keep in touch every so often. While I have been going through what I would consider a transition in my life, he has given me some advice that I didn’t expect. The most poignant thing was for me to go back to writing.
Just write, he said. It doesn’t matter what it is. Just start and the rest will come eventually.
This isn’t all I have to expose of what’s been going on. This is merely an introduction of sorts. Because what I do have to say is embarrassing, sad, at times angry, revealing, sometimes selfish, and hurtful. But its true. All of it. And it feels like I need to rev my own engines and find some fucking courage because I know (and I hope I’m right about this because I’ve been so damned wrong lately) that I can’t be the only person going or has gone through this. Maybe, the reason I’m really doing this is to know that if I fall and put it all out there, I will land on some sort of internet safety net. That I’m not really alone, no matter how alone I feel.